下坡

所有好走的路都是下坡。

Dirty

"The future belongs to the few of us still willing to get our hands dirty."

Someday

There is no someday in the calendar.

People. Love. You.

People loved you in the way they knew how—and often it was not the way you knew. Or needed.
- Adrien English

Alone

I love being alone, but I hate being lonely.

Boring Life

I longed for the comfort and safety of home, my quiet shop, my ordinary boring life where my biggest problem was if I was ever going to find someone to share my ordinary boring life.
-Adrien English

Memory

memory fades; imagination adding details, time erasing others.

A Proper Subject for Serious Study

Loud Music

Stephen Dobyns

My stepdaughter and I circle round and round.
You see, I like the music loud, the speakers
throbbing, jam-packing the room with sound whether
Bach or rock and roll, the volume cranked up so
each bass notes is like a hand smacking the gut.
But my stepdaughter disagrees. She is four
and likes the music decorous, pitched below
her own voice-that tenuous projection of self.
With music blasting, she feels she disappears,
is lost within the blare, which in fact I like.
But at four what she wants is self-location
and uses her voice as a porpoise uses
its sonar: to find herself in all this space.
If she had a sort of box with a peephole
and looked inside, what she'd like to see would be
herself standing there in her red pants, jacket,
yellow plastic lunch box: a proper subject
for serious study. But me, if I raised
the same box to my eye, I would wish to find
the ocean on one of those days when wind
and thick cloud make the water gray and restless
as if some creature brooded underneath,
a rocky coast with a road along the shore
where someone like me was walking and has gone.
Loud music does this, it wipes out the ego,
leaving turbulent water and winding road,
a landscape stripped of people and language-
how clear the air becomes, how sharp the colors.

Death of a Dream

Grief was a miserable emotion. A friend once told me the hurt that came with the end of a relationship was painful because it was the death of a dream—the future you’d imagined with a lover, a loved one, a child, or a friend. That loss was its own painful, nearly tangible thing. You had to reimagine your future, perhaps in a different place, with different people, doing different things than you might have first imagined.

-Twice Bitten (Chicagoland Vampires)

Expectations

Higher expectations
also mean
Higher chance of being disappointed.

And I hate that feeling.

Roulette

"But a time came when you did make a decision," he said.
"There's only red or black."
"Red or black?"
"Like in roulette. One is no more right or wrong than the other. You can think as long as you like about which color's more likely to win, but it doesn't help you. You think it over, back and forth, but in the end you don't have any influence over it."
...
"It's just the way it is. You can't evaluate it."

-Arcadia Awakens

Need

I hate to admit it, but...
I always end up needing others...
more than they need me...
Like a one-sided love...
it's such a lonely feeling...

I Know You

Even if there is no light, we will still be connected by our shadows.
-Pandora Hearts

Loneliness

Loneliness is something that can only be felt when you have people by your side.

Lotus

Someone once told me that I was like a lotus.
But I feel more like the mud beneath, constantly swept about by the water.

Weak and Strong

People seem weak, but they're strong.
They seem strong, but they're weak...

-MARS

Live

I draw


because I live

Insecure

Insecure... insecure... since when has it been so? When was it that the nightmare crept upon me again? Or has it never gone away, only I was too good at pretending, at denying myself? Insecure... I fear such a feeling as it drags me below the depths... I fear the lack of air and the darkness that makes me blind to the light, the weight that pulls me down and takes control over my limbs... So scary, my insecurities...

Rid

How do you get rid of jealousy?
How do you get rid of the dirty things in your mind, your heart, your soul,
Eating away at you, inside out.
How do you get rid of it?
Please, I want to know.